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March 8, 2001 — 9 AM

Yesterday a memo was passed

Yesterday a memo was passed around the office warning us of the evil "Naked Wife" virus.

In case you haven't been warned, or in case you have an irrestible attraction to other people's disrobed wives, let's just get some things straight.

Calling this a virus is like calling heroin a virus. It may have some strong, ill effects, but it requires some pretty active participation by the recipient. If you receive an e-mail marked "FW: Naked Virus," it won't do anything to you unless you open up the attachment. If you do though, and you double click on the enclosed program, it might wipe out your computer.

Actually since we're not even sure that there's a payoff to this thing — I don't think there is in fact a naked wife to be found — it's more like accepting a random syringe from someone. They tell you it's full of yummy chemicals and you happily pull out your arm and shove it in. "Go ahead! It will appeal to your basest instincts!"

"Come on, everyone loves yummy chemicals!"

There are a few lessons to be learned here, folks:

  1. Don't mess around with strange programs (or strange syringes) that people send you.
  2. If you are really tempted, maybe you should buy a Mac. Either there aren't enough Mac users to tempt virus-makers, or they consider us too intelligent to deceive. Either way, double clicking nakedwife.exe on a Mac will only confuse your Mac, not destroy its inner being.
  3. You really can't get away with adultery these days, no matter what you might think.

Yes, sir. Three simple rules for life.


Previously: Take One: Yeah, we’ll, um…

Subsequently: Q: What do Carol Seaver,

March 2001
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