June 17, 2005 at 10 AM

Use the Force

It’s an obvious connection, isn’t it? As a kid, I was often referred to as Skywalker — not much of a taunt as taunts go, I can’t say it bothered me much. Getting older, I started to hear “Use the force!” or the always classic, “Luke, I am your father.”

The latter line remains popular for jokesters meeting me, despite never having been uttered in quite that way in The Empire Strikes Back. I can say this with authority because I watched the movie last night to remind myself that there was actually a reason to like the Star Wars movies and that we all hadn’t just made it up. (Vader says “I am your father,” with heavy emphasis on the first word, and there’s no “Luke” in that sentence.)

I had to remind myself of this because really, those three prequel episodes were awful, and thank the merciful heavens there are no more. Episode I was a really really terrible movie, the less we speak about the better. Episode II was less horrific, but featured a lot of comically inept dialogue and some classically wooden delivery, which should have come as no surprise to anyone who ever watched the original triad. Episode III showed signs of life; the second half of the film was fairly entertaining, but I was so aggravated by the first half that I still couldn’t enjoy it.

The original movies also had terrible dialogue, and few will ever challenge Mark Hamill for the crown of wooden delivery, but the main thing is that they were still fun. There was a light-hearted sense of adventure, and even at moments of high tension, Han Solo was there with those classic one-liners to remind you of the humanity of it all.

The new movies were boring. They were self-important, impossibly serious affairs, which Wanted to Make A Statement About Democracy. Nobody told George Lucas apparently, but nobody liked Star Wars because it was a fascinating allegory on political systems. They liked it because it was simple, thrilling and fun. All of the main characters were sympathetic in some way, but they also had human flaws which gave them depth and life, rather than being merely Angry, Tortured Soul and Righteous, Pure Jedi.

We should have been better prepared really, if we’d been paying attention to the Ewoks in Return of the Jedi. They were like prophecies of Jar Jar Binks. And if you still can’t believe that George Lucas let us all down in such a big way, I have one more fact for you: George Lucas is also the man who brought us Howard the Duck.

Previously: Mostly Cloudy With A Chance of Nothing Much

Subsequently: The London Bombings

June 2005
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