Warning: Breaking Bones May Hurt
This just in from our national broadcaster: 8,700 children were injured on playgrounds in Ontario last year. The study behind these numbers notes that nearly half of these incidents involved broken bones, and overall, a majority occurred with children between the ages of five and nine. The study also revealed that the occurrence of injuries rises during the summer months.
In addition, the authors soberly concluded that children “should not wear scarves or clothes featuring drawstrings, to avoid strangulation, and adults should check play structures for ‘loose railings and unprotected edges.’”
Some facts in this groundbreaking study were unfortunately omitted from the report due to space reasons, but we here at Attaboy have worked tirelessly to obtain the nitty gritty details for you:
26% of the injuries not resulting in broken bones nonetheless resulted in an owwie that hurt a lot!
In an alarming 19% of cases, children named Billy or Tyler over 150 cm in height were directly responsible for injuries to children aged nine or under and children under 130 cm in height.
89% of all non-serious injuries were forgotten within five minutes of the application of a Fudgesicle or Mr. Freeze.
The authors of the study have called for a parliamentary committee to study just how this child negligence has been permitted to occur. We await further details.
Previously: A.C. Newman Strikes Again
Subsequently: Organesque
Comments
In a related story, 96.4% of Canadian children “don’t wanna go back to school” when studies resume in September.
— ERK | Aug. 12, 2004 — 1 PM